Money Unspent

About three years ago, I left my job to become self-employed for the first time. The first years were great. I had business coming in from another source, and it seemed as if there was nothing but security and growth in my future. When the economy hit, I learned rapidly that growth "out there" was not something I could rely on. I had to turn inward.

Mrs. Eddy, in her book Science And Health with Key To The Scriptures, states, "The wintry blasts of earth may uproot the flowers of affection, and scatter them to the winds, but this severance of fleshly ties serves to unite thought more closely to God, for Love supports the struggling heart until it ceases to sigh over the world and begins to unfold its wings for heaven."

I longed for this to be true, as I was faced with a greater fear than I have ever known, and I needed something to calm me. Before embarking upon my business, I relied heavily on budget and a consistent income. I prided myself on being organized, frugal and responsible. Whenever an unexpected event occurred that required some budget rearranging, fear would be the first thing I would face, "How can I possibly fit this in and still survive?"

For my business to stall, with no other source of income, was definitely unexpected and scary. Fortunately for me, growing inwardly was just as important as outward growth. And, as Mrs. Eddy's quote suggests, the more "blasts" I felt from earth, the more I readily turned upward in my thought, seeking solace in a place I could rely on. Over the next few years, I returned to this quote time and time again, as my income experienced continual swings from high to low. I needed to be reminded that the balance of my money was not an indicator of my true supply.

As a child in Sunday School, I had been taught that Divine Love supplies our every need. But it's hard to count that. There aren't ledgers and checkbooks that will show you are flush. I had to retrain my mind. As my money would dip, I chose to believe that supply comes in a variety of ways. It can be in good ideas, it can be in a gift from a friend or stranger, it can be the offering of a service at reduced or free rates. It can be the sun on my back or the wind in my face. If I feel fear every time I glance at my checkbook or make a trip to the bank, then I must not believe in Divine Love's ability to supply my every need. How could human indicators, such as my checkbook, tell me anything of God's power?

I started to bless the bank, every time I went. I resisted the fear and the shame I would feel as I walked in. I saw the tellers as children of God with me, so caring less about my financial prowess, working with me and all in our expression of Divine Love. I began seeing the building as just one expression of supply, and endless supply at that. I felt the fluidity of supply, as a river always flowing, even though you can't see it at times. Much like an aquifer, supply is always there, it arises in different points and through different materials, but it is always in the earth's crust somewhere.

Now, I'm not going to tell you what my financial status is right now. Does that even matter? I am part of the flow of supply, and I always will be. Its expression in my life changes just as every other material component in my life changes, but the fact will always remain: I am provided for continually, effortlessly and substantially.

The amplified edition of Mary Baker Eddy Christian Healer, written by von Fettweis and Warneck, describes my current understanding of supply best: "...to spread undivided the Science that operates unspent."

"...to spread undivided" meaning all are flowing in this river of supply, and "the Science that operates unspent," meaning there is no end to the supply of Spirit. It is everlasting and continual. I can count on that.